Ha! They had me convinced that I need to fix myself first of my co-dependency issues, but hell, I’m not strong enough some days to decide what to wear, much less deal with issues from my childhood that made me what I am. I’m on my way back to me. Emotional Investment: Unable to get out of the relationship due to the fear of what will happen to them, the victim decides that they should stay, and see it through to the bitter end. Understanding Cognitive Dissonance, Trauma Bonding and Infantile Regression. There was about a two-week time period that I didn’t hear from him right after that, but now it’s back to multiple calls and voice mails every day. That bastard is just that–a lying ass lazy bastard. I was married to a narcissist for 26 years, now divorced. I look forward to talking to you. He carried and used a magnifying glass AROUND me, but I KNOW he did not NEED it. in lying and deception and leading whoever opposes it into destruction and thus the psychopath is as the conscious use of deception and justification of such by way of its sense of its abilities to glorify self bu deception …. Krankenhaus. Once he told me that if I knew some of the things he had done, I would leave him. For example, a woman who is abused by her narcissistic spouse will hate the conditions she is living in. They use that love to feel compassion for their narcissistic abuser; they may even make excuses that their abuser suffered so much hurt and pain in their own childhood, that they cannot help the way they are. Of course, I would turn around and say something to the effect of, “lets talk about this.” She would stare at me and shout “NO”. The abuse and torture that she allowed and sometimes participated in- in order to keep our abuser happy- was most definitely an example of Cognitive Dissonance in action. I miss my self esteem. We want to give him the benefit of the doubt or another chance and sometimes we just want to look the other way. The narcissist creates just enough plausible deniability to keep the cognitive dissonance alive. Anyway….heres my deal….I am a fairly skillef researcher…. Then, when he happily senses your anxiety about his attitude, he’ll say “Well, you asked me to leave. this really helps me GET ME. He is not a good father, rather than love his children he abhors them (they take the mother’s attention away from him), so they are confined to the role of being another narcissistic supply source. I know that is designed to hook me back in, but I’m also a bit scared. But the time the manager got with me, all he did was accuse me of having a dysfunction department and of being a bad manager. I really hope there’s a way to feel better. It also triggered control factors from my 14 year marriage that was abusive from my husbands issues. I was raised by a abusive alcoholic narc. Sometimes you just have to laugh at the insanity of it all. He had me convinced I was the one with the issues, that I was crazy, that I needed medication. The question is, for those of us who want to stop this self-reinforcing pattern, what is the suggestion. What is "cognitive dissonance"? He simply could not believe that I was on to him. The ones that I did hear or had to listen to for the first five seconds so that I would know it was him and delete them either began sweetly with the word “Please…” or they’d start with “Bitch…”. I probably did something I shouldn’t have, but as I said, after 24 years of his shit and of me saying nothing, I snapped. Wonder everyday what will be the “end result”? He relied on his parents to pay our rent and I was embarrassed he had no ambition or goals in life. I don’t know what to do..he has me & my children Dependant on him financially..but is laid off now. That’s the way to go, girl. Look it up, and talk to your therapist about it, it really does work. I was very confident, socially graceful and was at my zenith as far as working out at the gym. This nightmare I live in never seems to end. For that reason they expect their children to be high achievers, the very best in everything that they do. Finances were my responsibility and he did not work or pay for anything. They go back and forth trying different things. They are wanting to make their new girlfriend think that you are causing them the issues and they are wanting to mak Still have to deal with my parents though and wondering how to protect myself and my children. He is a special brand of narcissist. I am getting emails about how he loves me and is picturing me, (didn’t call the children to say good night last night, and I get told he had no cell reception), so I get this love email filled with oddities, which I can relate to your concept of all things illogical. Thank you for finally giving me the answers I have longed for. What a relief that professionals are finally speaking about this and not making light of it or blaming the victims for not having the backbone to stand up for themselves. It is pure evil. Cognitive Dissonance is a communication theory that was published by Leon Festinger in 1957, a theory that changed the way in which social psychology was to look at human decision-making and behaviour.
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